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Date:      Tue, 30 Aug 2005 09:53:45 -0700
From:      garys@opusnet.com (Gary W. Swearingen)
To:        Giorgos Keramidas <keramida@freebsd.org>
Cc:        freebsd-doc@freebsd.org, Murray Stokely <murray@freebsdmall.com>
Subject:   Re: Two new articles for review
Message-ID:  <8bek8bs6w6.k8b@mail.opusnet.com>
In-Reply-To: <20050830110611.GA80696@orion.daedalusnetworks.priv> (Giorgos Keramidas's message of "Tue, 30 Aug 2005 14:06:11 %2B0300")
References:  <20050830101853.GC20599@freebsdmall.com> <20050830110611.GA80696@orion.daedalusnetworks.priv>

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Giorgos Keramidas <keramida@freebsd.org> writes:

>      It has climbed to the fourth position and to an 8% market share
>      during the last two years thanks to superior quality of service.</para>

Probably more common: "to fourth position".
  
> -  <para>In Argentina and Latin America in general people who don't
> -    have computers at home go to so called <quote>Locutorios</quote>
> +  <para>People who live in Argentina and other parts of Latin America do not
> +    always have computers or Internet access at home.  As a result, they
> +    frequently use one of so called <quote>Locutorios</quote>

Changes the author's meaning too much, IMO.  But I don't know when
"open season" begins with articles.

Also, my dictionary says that one should either use 'so-called
some_noun' (with a hyphen) or just '"some_noun"' (with double quotes).

Also, it's got too much or too little.  One of these should do:

    use a so-called Locutorio
    use one of the so-called Locutorios

>      connect. The dialup business involves a support structure to deal
>      with the Telcos about telephony problems and quality of service,
>      plus a technical structure where latency and packet-loss should be

Unless it's standard jargon or something, the hyphen should be a space.

> @@ -104,12 +105,12 @@
>      made it necessary to design the new system with at least 300M user

"300 MB" (I hope :)

>      disk space, but at a cost lower than 3 US dollars per GB with some
>      degree of redundancy. Bear in mind that rackmountable hardware is

Me and "aspell" suggest "rack-mountable".

> -    hard to find in Argentina, and is between 30 and 40% more
> +    hard to find in Argentina, and is between 30 to 40% more

Sorry, it's "between 30 and 40" or "30 to 40".

>      expensive than in the US. Our total budget for equipment
> -    acquisition in two years was 75,000 USD, which is only a fraction
> +    acquisition in two years was $75,000&nbsp;USD, which is only a fraction
>      of our direct competitors' investments.</para>

Omit the "$", IMO.  But "USD" was too short for a basic Google check.
  
> -  <para>With regard to the antispam service, it became necessary to
> +  <para>As part of our antispam service, it became necessary to
>      develop a product that could compete with the systems offered by
>      the big ones. Given the hostile conditions imposed by the
>      existence of spam (dictionary attacks, spams with high degree of
> @@ -117,11 +118,11 @@
>      it becomes very difficult to achieve an excellent uptime while
>      repelling attacks. One must also be careful that the user doesn't
>      lose mails because of false positives in the classification

"mails" is rather rare.  Either "mail" or "messages" or both.

That's enough.  I think I should be doing this differently (if at all)
and I have a headache.



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