Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2011 02:20:12 GMT From: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@MIT.EDU> To: freebsd-doc@FreeBSD.org Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some rough edges Message-ID: <201108290220.p7T2KCDX066773@freefall.freebsd.org>
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The following reply was made to PR docs/160269; it has been noted by GNATS. From: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@MIT.EDU> To: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com> Cc: freebsd-gnats-submit@freebsd.org, freebsd-doc@freebsd.org Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some rough edges Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2011 22:15:50 -0400 (EDT) With all due respect to Garrett [but not his mail client's handling of whitespace], On Mon, 29 Aug 2011, Warren Block wrote: > > --- en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml.orig 2011-08-28 17:57:28.000000000 -0600 > +++ en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml 2011-08-28 18:35:33.000000000 -0600 > @@ -1380,16 +1380,16 @@ > <title>WPA with EAP-TLS</title> > > <para>The second way to use WPA is with an 802.1X backend > - authentication server, in this case WPA is called > - WPA-Enterprise to make difference with the less secure > - WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key. The > - authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP > + authentication server. In this case WPA is called > + WPA-Enterprise to differentiate it from the less secure > + WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key. > + Authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP > (Extensible Authentication Protocol).</para> This doesn't feel quite right; I would use "is based on the Extensible Authentication Protocol (EAP)." > > <para>EAP does not come with an encryption method, it was > decided to embed EAP inside an encrypted tunnel. Many > - types of EAP authentication methods have been designed, > - the most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and > + types of EAP authentication methods have been designed. > + The most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and > EAP-PEAP.</para> > > <para>EAP-TLS (EAP with Transport Layer Security) is a > @@ -1610,9 +1610,9 @@ > certificate to authenticate clients by creating an > encrypted TLS tunnel between the client and the > authentication server, which protects the ensuing > - exchange of authentication information. In term of > + exchange of authentication information. In terms of > security the difference between EAP-TTLS and PEAP is > - that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in > + that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in the > clear, only the password is sent in the encrypted TLS > tunnel. EAP-TTLS will use the TLS tunnel for both As Garrett mentions, this sentence is getting pretty long. I would put a comma after "security", and a linking word before "only the password is sent ...". Maybe "meaning", or "so that". > username and password.</para> > @@ -1661,7 +1661,7 @@ > first phase of the authentication (the TLS > tunnel). According to the authentication server > used, you will have to specify a specific label > - for the authentication. Most of time, the label > + for the authentication. Most of the time, the label I think the "the" in "the authentication" is not needed. > will be <quote>client EAP encryption</quote> which > is set by using <literal>peaplabel=0</literal>. > More information can be found in the > @@ -1861,8 +1861,8 @@ > <para>This output displays the card capabilities; the > <literal>HOSTAP</literal> word confirms this wireless card > can act as an Access Point. Various supported ciphers are > - also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., these informations > - are important to know what security protocols could be set > + also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., this information I would change this comma to a full stop. (Maybe a semicolon, but it would be a bit odd to have colon and semicolon in such proximity.) Thanks for assembling all these fixes into a patch! -Ben Kaduk > + is important to know what security protocols could be set > on the Access Point.</para> > > <para>The wireless device can only be put into hostap mode
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