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Date:      Fri, 19 Nov 2004 09:02:45 +0100
From:      Joel Dahl <joel@automatvapen.se>
To:        Murray Stokely <murray@freebsd.org>
Cc:        freebsd-doc@FreeBSD.org
Subject:   Re: docs/70583: [PATCH] Update freebsd-glossary
Message-ID:  <1100851365.569.5.camel@dude.automatvapen.se>
In-Reply-To: <20041117222732.GA96501@hub.freebsd.org>
References:  <200408201640.i7KGePeA034000@freefall.freebsd.org> <20041117222732.GA96501@hub.freebsd.org>

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On Wed, 2004-11-17 at 22:27 +0000, Murray Stokely wrote: 
> Hi Joel, thanks for the submissions.  I've noticed that many of your
> submissions don't use a serial comma so they stick out when compared
> with the rest of our documentation set.

Ok, thanks.

> 
> >         <glossterm>Unix File System Version 2</glossterm>
> >         <acronym>UFS2</acronym>
> >         <glossdef>
> >  -        <para></para>
> >  +        <para>An extension to <acronym>UFS1</acronym>, introduced in
> >  +	  &os; 5-CURRENT. <acronym>UFS2</acronym> adds 64 bit block
> >  +	  pointers (breaking the 1T barrier), support for extended file
> >  +	  storage, and a few other things.
> 
> extended file attributes, and other enhancements. ?

Yes, this description is weak. Feel free to replace "a few other things" to
something better.

> >  +	  </para>
> >         </glossdef>
> >     </glossdiv>
> >  @@ -1762,7 +1775,10 @@
> >         <glossterm>Virtual Private Network</glossterm>
> >         <acronym>VPN</acronym>
> >         <glossdef>
> >  -        <para></para>
> >  +        <para>A way to use a public telecommunication
> >  +	  infrastructure, such as the Internet, to provide remote
> >  +	  users with a secure connection to their organizations
> 
> organization's ?

"to provide users with a secure connection to a remote network" maybe?

--
Joel



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