Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2011 08:43:53 -0600 (MDT) From: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com> To: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@mit.edu> Cc: freebsd-doc@freebsd.org, freebsd-gnats-submit@freebsd.org Subject: Re: docs/159897: [patch] improve HAST section of Handbook Message-ID: <alpine.BSF.2.00.1108210833530.88964@wonkity.com> In-Reply-To: <alpine.GSO.1.10.1108202132270.7526@multics.mit.edu> References: <201108182253.p7IMr0us086588@red.freebsd.org> <alpine.GSO.1.10.1108202132270.7526@multics.mit.edu>
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On Sat, 20 Aug 2011, Benjamin Kaduk wrote:
> On Thu, 18 Aug 2011, Warren Block wrote:
>
>> - <para>File system agnostic, thus allowing to use any file
>> + <para>File system agnostic, thus allowing use of any file
>
> I think "allowing the use" is better here.
"allowing any" might be even better.
>> <para>Once the <acronym>HAST</acronym> framework is configured
>> properly, the final step is to make sure that
>> - <acronym>HAST</acronym> is started during the system boot time
>> - automatically. The following line should be added to the
>> - <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename> file:</para>
>> + <acronym>HAST</acronym> is started automatically during the system
>> + boot. This line is added to
>> + <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename>:</para>
>
> "This line is added" is a pretty unusual grammatical construct for what is
> attempting to be conveyed. "To do so, add this line to" I think says things
> more clearly.
I would prefer the imperative "Add this line to...".
>> - <para>In order to fix this situation the administrator has to
>> + <para>The administrator must
>> decide which node has more important changes (or merge them
>> - manually) and let the <acronym>HAST</acronym> perform
>> + manually) and let <acronym>HAST</acronym> perform
>> the full synchronization of the node which has the broken
>
> Just "full synchronization", I think.
Changing "of" to "on" ("full synchronization on the node") also helps a
bit.
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