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Date:      Fri, 18 Oct 2002 00:34:54 +0200
From:      Martin Heinen <martin@sumuk.de>
To:        Udo Erdelhoff <ue@nathan.ruhr.de>
Cc:        freebsd-doc@FreeBSD.ORG
Subject:   Re: Please review: new handbook chapter on serial install
Message-ID:  <20021018003454.A20983@sumuk.de>
In-Reply-To: <20021017210306.GA74874@nathan.internal>; from ue@nathan.ruhr.de on Thu, Oct 17, 2002 at 11:03:06PM %2B0200
References:  <20021015195849.GA76747@nathan.internal> <20021017210306.GA74874@nathan.internal>

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On Thu, Oct 17, 2002 at 11:03:06PM +0200, Udo Erdelhoff wrote:
> Here's version two:
> - correct the typos noticed by various people
> - cut down on the use of 'you'
> - generally tried to chat less and include more information

excellent work, comments inline

> Index: chapter.sgml
> ===================================================================
> RCS file: /home/ncvs/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/serialcomms/chapter.sgml,v
> retrieving revision 1.66
> diff -u -r1.66 chapter.sgml

[ ... ]

> +	In other words, the only requirements for using a serial
> +	console to install &os; are a suitably configured system
> +	(as described in <xref linkend="serialconsole-howto">)
> +	and a boot medium that contains the right version of
> +	<filename>boot.config</filename>.</para>
> +
> +      <para>In theory, this could be a remotely mounted root file
                          ^^^^
What could be a remotely mounted file system?  In the first version
'this' was the boot medium, but the reference to the boot medium
is lost in this version.  In fact, the boot medium could be remotely
mounted (not just in theory), thus:

  <para>The boot medium could be a remotely mounted root ...

> +	system for a diskless installation, a modified installation
> +	CD/DVD, or a modified boot floppy.  The easiest solution (and
> +	the only one described in this chapter) is to create a
> +	modified boot floppy.  This is the only variant that can be
> +	produced with the GENERIC kernel and tools available on a &os;

<filename>GENERIC</filename>?

> +	box after a standard installation.  Please note that this does
> +	<emphasis>NOT</emphasis> mean that all files have to be

<emphasis>not</emphasis> emphasizes 'not' already

> +	installed from floppy, it is still possible to use a CD-ROM,
> +	DVD-ROM, or an internet connection to get the files for the
> +	distributions and packages.</para>

shorter:

  ... to get the distributions and packages.</para>

> +      <para>The official way of creating a modified boot floppy is to
> +	modify the scripts and <filename>Makefile</filename> used by
> +	<command>make release</command>.  This is not required if the

It sounds strange to use modify twice (at least to me).  How about:

  <para>The official way of creating a customized boot floppy is to
    modify the scripts and the <filename>Makefile</filename> used by ...

> +	only change is the addition of a
> +	<filename>boot.config</filename> file on the boot floppy.  The

It's common handbook style, but why tell the reader that boot.config
is file if we already markup <filename>boot.config</filename>?

> +	boot floppy consists of two parts, the boot sector/loader and
> +	the installation kernel.  The latter is stored in a small UFS
> +	file system that can be modified and manipulated with all the

UFS file system doubles 'file system'.  UFS partition might be a
better choice.
What's the difference between modified and manipulated?
Manipulated is sufficient here.

[ ... ]

> +	<step>
> +	  <para>Connect your serial console to the new FreeBSD system,
> +	    just as explained above.</para>

Above might be far away, it should be link to the appropriate section
or completely left out (the link already appeared above).

> +	</step>
> +
> +	<step>
> +	  <para>Insert the modified <filename>kern.flp</filename> into
> +	    the disk drive of the new FreeBSD system and reboot it.</para>
> +	</step>
> +      </procedure>
> +
> +      <para>After a while, you should see activity on your serial
> +	console, probably the <quote>spiner</quote>, followed by the

s!spiner!spinner! as noted by Giorgos :-)

[ ... ]

> +	  <screen>/stand/sysinstall running as init on serial console
> +
> +These are the predefined terminal types available to
> +sysinstall when running stand-alone.  Please choose the
> +closest match for your particular terminal.
> +
> +1 ...................... Standard ANSI terminal.
> +2 ...................... VT100 or compatible terminal.
> +3 ...................... FreeBSD system console (color).
> +4 ...................... FreeBSD system console (monochrome).
> +
^^^^^^^^
Is there really a blank line?

[ ... ]

> +	  <para>In order to allow log-ins over the serial console, a
> +	    &man.getty.8; must be running on the
> +	    <devicename>ttyd0</devicename>.  To do this, select
> +	    <literal>Configuration</literal>, then
> +	    <literal>TTYs</literal>, and change the settings for

We could markup Configuration and TTYs with <menuentry>
or <guimenuitem>.

> +	    <devicename>ttyd0</devicename>.  The
> +	    <literal>status</literal> must be set to on, the terminal
> +	    <literal>type</literal> must match your particular serial
> +	    console.</para>
> +	</listitem>
> +
> +	<listitem>
> +	  <para>Check the <filename>boot.config</filename> and
> +	    <filename>/boot/loader.conf</filename> of the newly
> +	    installed &os; system to make sure that it will use a
> +	    serial console during startup.  To do this, select
> +	    <literal>Fixit</literal> from the main menu, then
> +	    <literal>shell</literal>.

<menuentry> or <guimenuitem>?

Again, excellent work, thanks for writing this.

-- 
Marxpitn

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